25 Şubat 2008 Pazartesi
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:
YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!
President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case of constipation. He sends his Spanish secretary, who knows little English, to the local hospital. She tells the doctor, "Big President Bush, no shit."
The doctor understands and gives him some medicine to take with him.
The next day, the secretary comes back again and says, "Big President, no shit."
The doctor gives him even stronger medicine. A few days later, the secretary comes yet again and says, "Big President, big no shit."
The doctor gives him the strongest medicine he has.
The next day, the secretary comes back to the doctor and says, "Ba-Boom! Big shit, no President."
Tony Blair Interviewed by Peter Jennings
Peter Jennings: Why do you think the English lost the War of Independence?
Tony Blair: Rust on our equiptment.
Peter Jennings: Rust! Can you elaborate?
Tony Blair: Rust, you see, affected our leg weaponery. Our knee spears.
Peter Jennings: Knee spears? Why, I've never heard of such a thing!
Tony Blair: Really, I thought everyone had heard of Brit knee spears!
An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."
At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand.
"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?"
"Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with."
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."