You know you've been in UK too long when... * You

You know you've been in UK too long when...

* You have considered wearing a badge that you can pass to people when you first meet them with answers to those all-important questions they all want to know. "No, I am not a Kiwi, I'm an Australian. I have been here for x number of years. I am here on x visa. We come to the UK because it is the thing to do. No, I do not know how long I will be here for. No, I don't like Fosters."

* You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday day is also entirely reasonable.

* You have given up complaining about the Victorian banking services offered in the UK.

* You have given up explaining why you are half an hour late to work as no-one notices or cares.

* Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.

* You can actually give directions to some of those annoying tourists in Oxford Street!

* You actually step over a drunk in the tube station rather than offering to help them.

* You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast.


* You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub.

* You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes. Jeans and a T-shirt are no longer socially acceptable.

* You dissolve in laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!).

* You think �40 for a haircut is quite reasonable.

* You have stopped calling people 'a dag' because you don't want to have to explain it.

* You can't remember what 'customer service' means.

* After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house, and not a 24 hour McDonalds.

* More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.

* You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser

* You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'.

* You only just realise you have lost your sunnies, you left them in Greece 2 summers ago.

* You start thinking English cuisine isn't all that bad after all, I mean, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.

* You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat.

* You buy a disposable baby BBQ from Tesco.

* You realise your sunburn cream is the stuff you originally bought from home with you.

* A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.

* You always call soccer football and you have a team and it's not Manchester United.

* You don't think twice about buying a packaged sandwich.

* A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear

* You start to accept queuing as a way of life.

* You actually say, 'Sor'ed'.
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You know you are in Sydney when...

*Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are visible.

*You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.

*You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.

*You never bother looking at the train schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

*You can't remember....is dope illegal?

*You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

*You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

*A really great parking space can move you to tears.

*You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

*Your boss runs in "The City to Surf"....it's the first time you have seen him/her nude.

*Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

*You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Italian - French or a building your own web site class.

*You haven't been to Darling Harbour since the first month you moved to Sydney and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Sydney Tower if your life depended on it.

*A man walks on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.

*You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the North Shore.

*You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.

*You keep a list of companies to boycott.

*You are genuinely surprised when you meet someone who was actually born in Sydney (but then, they are Swiss/Thai/Brazilin).

*You order organic fruit and vegies online, but eat out every night anyway.

*You spent more money on your coffee machine than on your washing machine.

*You spend $500+ for your room in an apartment with stunning harbour/beach views and European appliances; and then spend a total of 40 hours each week there(37 of which you are sleeping).

*You contemplate calling a cab from your home to where you managed to park the car the night before.

*You spend 30 minutes in a traffic jam next to a car with more power to its speakers than its wheels.

*You meet friends for coffee at 1am at your local Netcafe/Laundramat/Bookstore/Bar/Alternative healing centre and go for drinks and pool at nine in the morning.

*You go out each Saturday for breakfast and the paper...at 3pm.

*Your shiatsu therapist is headhunted by an Internet Startup and your accountant becomes an actor.

*You know everyone's e-mail and mobile number but not their last name or home address.

*You can roll sushi, make pasta and keep your red curry paste recipe under lock and key...but couldn't roast a chicken to save your life.

*Your cab driver was a micro-surgeon before he moved to Australia.

*and finally - "You know you live in Sydney, when....

*Your hairdresser is straight, Your plumber is gay, The woman who delivers your mail is straight.... and your Avon Lady is a drag queen.